Letting Go Read online

  “Shit.” He glanced down at the party room. “Everyone’s still tied, so I guess we’d better.” He pulled out a zip tie, then stared at it for a second before stuffing it back in his pocket. “You know what? Fuck that. Game over.”

  Luke led us downstairs. I could tell by the way his brothers nodded to him deferentially that he must be a Big Deal in his fraternity. No one said a thing to him about us being untethered. He got me a Mai Tai and pulled himself a beer from the keg while I waited near the signature wall. I read more of the signatures while keeping an eye on him and my cup. He seemed like a nice guy, but you could never be too cautious. I was ready to cut loose, but I wasn’t stupid.

  He handed me my drink. “I put us on the list for beer pong.”

  Beer pong wasn’t normally my thing, but tonight I was up for anything, even a game in which the sole purpose was to get drunk.

  Especially a game like that. The more I could get out of my own head, the better.

  “Are you any good?” he asked.

  “Does it matter?”

  He pointed to a trophy sitting up on a ledge. “You see that trophy over there?”

  I squinted. It was about a foot and a half tall and sitting on a board that had been nailed to the wall. I peered closer.

  “Is that a guy bowling on top of it? And a pink Post-It note where the name goes?”

  He waved his hand dismissively. “Those details aren’t important. That trophy is for the Beta Chi monthly beer pong championships and it’s had my name on it for the past nine months.”

  “Three of those months were summer months. They don’t count.”

  “Smart-ass,” he said, but he smiled when he said it. “The point is I’ve got a reputation to uphold. So, I’ll ask again—are you any good?”

  I held my hand up and shook it, the universal sign for so-so. I was halfway into my third drink. I didn’t have enough experience with beer pong to determine if being drunker made me a better player. I guess I was going to find out.

  Our opponents were two guys named Derek and Hunter. Luke easily sank his first shot. He smirked and winked at me. “Think you can keep up, Cori?”

  I gave him my best you’re crazy look and took the ball he offered me. I held my hand up and flicked my wrist. It hit the edge of a cup and bounced off.

  Luke gave me an approving nod. “Not bad for your first shot.”

  Derek took his first shot and sank it. Luke reached for the cup and downed it. Hunter missed the next shot.

  Luke tossed the ball and it sailed right into the cup without even touching the sides. He handed me the ball and stood behind me.

  “You have to arch your wrist,” he said, putting his hand over mine and demonstrating the motion.

  I smiled at him over my shoulder and imitated him. “Like this?”

  “Yeah.” He moved his hands from my arms and rested them on my hips, watching over my shoulder. I could feel the front of his thigh against my ass.

  As if that wasn’t distracting.

  I picked up my drink, took a long sip for confidence, and then took my shot. By some miracle it went in. Luke made the next one. My turn again. This time he didn’t stand behind me, and I missed.

  I spun around, palms up, with a pout on my face.

  He pointed at the trophy in mock anger and shook his head.

  The other team made the next shot and Luke reached for the cup again. I stopped him.

  “You took the last one.” I grabbed it and put it up to my lips.

  “You sure?” he asked. “I don’t mind. It’s got to be warm and gross by now. Besides, beer and liquor don’t mix.” He nodded to my Mai Tai cup, which was once again empty. I frowned. When did that happen?

  “Come on,” he said, prying the cup out of my hands. “You’ll give yourself the hangover from hell if you do this.”

  He was right about that. Learned that the hard way my freshman year. I might be tipsy, but I wasn’t foolish, so I let him have the beer.

  I pointed to my cup. “I’m going to get another one. You want something?” Luke shook his head, and I wandered over to the bar. The prepared Mai Tais were gone, but there was an array of liquor and mixers.

  While I was mixing myself a Fuzzy Navel, Amber appeared by my side.

  “What’s going on?” she asked.

  “You’re looking at it.”

  “You having fun?” She didn’t let me answer before she was asking another question. “Where’s your other half?”

  “Huh?” I asked, then realized she must mean Luke. I nodded to the beer pong table. “Over there.”

  “I’m so glad you came. And guess what? Megan asked me to be the assistant social chair. Isn’t that fantastic?”

  Brad appeared and slung an arm over Amber’s shoulders. “Hey, beautiful.”

  She smiled and put her hand on her hip. “Hey, yourself.”

  He nodded to me with a lazy grin. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

  Amber beamed. I considered it a rhetorical question and didn’t respond.

  “I need a pong partner. You up for it?” Brad asked. “I’ll even drink your cups.”

  “Sure,” she said, stretching the one syllable word into three syllables.

  “Hey, Cori!” Luke had his hands cupped around his mouth to be heard over the music. He motioned for me to come back.

  I gave my drink one final stir, grabbed my cup, and returned to the table. Several more of our cups were missing. “What happened here?”

  Luke shook his head, a downtrodden expression on his face. “It’s been bad since you left.”

  “Defense! Get your head in the game.”

  Luke laughed. “It’s your turn, and remember”—he pointed to the trophy—“my honor is in the balance here.”

  I nodded solemnly and crossed my right arm in front of my chest to stretch it out.

  “You remember the motion?”

  “You might need to show me again.”

  Wait, was I flirting with him? I must be drunker than I thought.

  He stood behind me like before and guided my hand in a practice shot. And just like before, he rested his hands on my hips and watched over my shoulder to monitor my throw.

  I made it.

  “Go, Cori!” Amber cheered. Brad still had his arm around her. His blond hair, blue eyes, and tan made them look like Malibu Ken and Barbie.

  I giggled.

  “What’s so funny?” Luke asked.

  I burst out laughing, leaning over and wrapping my arms around my middle.

  “Nothing,” I managed to say between laughs.

  Luke handed me the ball somewhat reluctantly. “It’s your shot.”

  I tried to put my game face on, but giggles kept escaping.

  “I think she’s gonna choke, man,” Brad commented. “There goes your title.”

  “No! No!” I shrieked amid fits of laughter. “I got this.”

  Except I didn’t. That annoying Barbie song was in my head now. Every time I looked over at Brad and Amber, I started laughing uncontrollably.

  I took my shot, but it went way wide and didn’t even land on the table. Derek sank our second to last cup and then Hunter finished us off.

  Luke hung his head. He grabbed the last cup and bumped it with mine. “Cheers.”

  “Where’s the bathroom?” I asked.

  Luke did better than tell me where it was. He escorted me to it.

  When I was finished using the toilet, I looked in the mirror. My eyes were glassy, and I had a stupid grin on my face. I laughed. It felt good not to be lame.

  When I exited the bathroom, I found Luke leaning against the wall, waiting for me. And looking delicious.

  I stopped in my tracks. “You waited for me?”

  He grinned. “Sure. You want to go out to the bonfire?”

  I looked down at my hands. They were empty. “I seem to have lost my drink.”

  “We’ll swing by the party room on the way out and get you one.”

  He held his arm out,
letting me go first. I stumbled a little in the hallway and his hands were immediately on my hips to steady me. “Whoa, you all right?”

  I nodded, then realized he couldn’t see that since he was behind me. “Fine.”

  In the party room, he poured himself a cup of beer and mixed me a rum and Coke. By that time, it was slim pickings at the bar.

  I followed him outside, prancing behind him. Prancing.

  Tighten up, Corinne. Prancing is ridiculous. Plus, I was liable to break a leg prancing in these shoes.

  Thank God he couldn’t see me. But I couldn’t stop myself. Prance, prance, prance, prance. I giggled.

  He glanced over his shoulder at me. “Are you okay back there?”

  I pasted a serious look on my face. “Never better,” I said solemnly. Then I ruined it by giggling.

  Luke commandeered some camp chairs for us. “Has everyone met Cori?”

  A few of my sisters sat in a group on the other side of the bonfire. I gave them a little wave. Some of the guys introduced themselves, but I forgot their names as soon as they said them. It was hard to concentrate on things like that when Luke was sitting beside me.

  He was hot. And I didn’t think that was the beer goggles talking, except that it wouldn’t be beer goggles, because I hadn’t had any beer thanks to Luke’s thoughtfulness. They were Mai Tai goggles and the view through them was great from where I was sitting.

  The campfire lit up Luke’s profile. His features were perfectly proportional. You know how some people only looked good from the front and others looked good from the side? Luke looked good from all sides.

  I didn’t normally go for guys with buzz cuts. I liked guys with a wave of hair. But with Luke, I was so tempted to run my hand over his hair to see if it felt fuzzy.

  Just as I was reaching out my hand toward his head, one of the guys—Joe, John, Josh?—started strumming on his guitar.

  Fuzzy hair was forgotten.

  He played a few experimental chords and made some tuning adjustments.

  “Okay,” he said. “I know y’all know this one.” Then he sang the first line, “A long, long, time ago.”

  “I can still remember how that music used to make me smile,” I sang.

  Next to me, Luke groaned. “Josh, you need some new material.”

  I shushed him. “I like this song. Keep going, Josh.”

  He strummed the next few chords and by the middle of the song, everyone, even Luke, was singing.

  When the song was over, Luke nudged me. “You’re pretty good.”

  I smiled. “Thanks.”

  “Any requests?” Josh put his pick in his mouth and adjusted the strings once more.

  “Um, ‘Landslide’?” I said tentatively.

  Josh experimented for a few minutes with the chords. “Okay, I think I got it.”

  He strummed the guitar and the familiar music washed over me. I closed my eyes and sang. No one joined in this time.

  I sang like a diva in concert, letting loose in a way I hadn’t been able to in a long time. I hadn’t sung in front of people since my high school graduation when I sang the national anthem, which I had tenaciously rehearsed for months. I never sang in public unless I was thoroughly prepared, but my inhibitions had flown the coop several hours ago.

  When the song ended, someone behind me said, “Holy shit.”

  I turned to see Vanessa, the Alpha Delta president. She marched over to me. “Why didn’t you tell anyone you could sing like that?”

  I was stunned. “Why would I?”

  She poked me on the shoulder. “You’re performing in the Greek talent show.”

  “Wha—?”

  But she had already left.

  What…the…hell. I should have kept my mouth shut. My singing days were behind me, part of my life that no longer existed, part of my life that died when Tyler did. I wasn’t that girl anymore.

  I stared at the fire, watching as the twigs, sticks, and logs glowed then turned to ash. One second they were shining bright, then the next they were nothing. I wondered if the intensity of the glow had anything to do with how quickly it burned itself out.

  Here I was getting all existential at a freaking frat party. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I turn this shit off?

  I ran my hands over my face. Then someone from the party room yelled, “Line dance!”

  I groaned. In the nineties, the Alpha Delta sisters created a line dance to an old Shania Twain song. Now whenever the sisters drank, one of them inevitably yelled “line dance” and then we were all, like, required to go do the dance. It was kind of a tradition. A lame one. One that should have been left in the past.

  I hoisted myself out of my chair with a grumble.

  Luke looked at me with a question in his eyes. “Line dance?”

  “You don’t want to know.”

  The light from the fire reflected in his eyes, making them seem like they were dancing. “Oh yeah, I think I do.”

  He followed me into the party room. I joined one of the lines in the back, hoping to blend in with the crowd.

  The song started and I performed the dance almost mechanically. I could do it with my eyes closed. It was one of the first things we had to learn as new sisters.

  When the song ended, I tried to skulk away. Luke found me and caught my hand before I could escape. “That was enlightening,” he said with a grin.

  “Well, you know,” I said, flipping my hair over my shoulder with more confidence than I felt after those shenanigans. “We are in a barn.”

  “True,” he acknowledged. The DJ resumed the regular dance music.

  Luke scanned the room. “I need to check on those freshmen and make sure they’re not passed out somewhere. Are you good?”

  I nodded. Luke was sweet to keep track of me, but he wasn’t my babysitter. I could socialize on my own.

  Maybe.

  I headed to the bar to see if there was anything decent left. Amber found me and grabbed my arm.

  “I like him,” she said in whispered excitement.

  “Who?” I asked, looking around.

  “Brad,” she hissed. “What do you think?”

  I held up a bottle of Coke, shaking it. Empty. “I don’t really know him. Where is he?”

  She stood up on her toes to peer around the room. “I don’t know. I lost him with that whole line dance thing. Talk about bad timing. Oh, well. You want to dance?”

  “Shots first?”

  Amber gave me the eye, the one that meant are you freaking nuts? “Seriously? You hate shots.”

  I shrugged. “All the mixers are gone.”

  Amber scrunched her face up for a minute, then sighed. “All right. Let’s do this.”

  I poured some rum into two red cups and we mashed them together in a cheers.

  “To a great year,” Amber said. “To new memories.”

  I nodded, not wanting to add anything, not wanting to think too deeply on it. I didn’t want to think about new memories while I was still trying to forget the old ones.

  After we drank, I set down my red cup. I was leaving a trail of them in my wake. Sorry, Earth. My bad. I’ll be green tomorrow.

  Amber and I danced to songs I didn’t even recognize. Geez, I was out of touch. Maybe she was right. Maybe I did need to get out more.

  Right on cue, Amber said, “I’m so glad you came out tonight. This is just like old times.”

  Not exactly. There was one very important detail that was different. I squeezed my eyes shut and forced that thought out of my brain. I wouldn’t think about that, about him, tonight. The whole point of tonight was to forget, if only for a few hours.

  “Hey,” Amber said, concern in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

  I had stopped dancing and didn’t even realize it. “I’m just thirsty,” I said, walking off the dance floor. I poured myself another shot.

  Amber was headed toward me when Brad intercepted her. She grinned at me when he wasn’t looking and mouthed so cute. I smiled back at her.
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  Wait, was the room supposed to be spinning?

  I abandoned my shot—and another red cup—and stumbled over to a wall, taking my chances by leaning against it. Now that I was stable, the room wasn’t spinning, but it wasn’t exactly staying still either.

  I didn’t care. I watched everyone else dance and play beer pong. The DJ was playing a game of flip cup on the DJ booth. One of my sisters, Dana, was fighting with a guy on the other side of the room. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it looked pretty heated. I wondered how they could have that much to fight about after only a few hours, then I remembered someone saying that Dana’s boyfriend was a Beta Chi. That was probably how we got matched up with them. She might be regretting that decision. We’d have events with the Beta Chis all year.

  Luke finally returned. His smooth confidence intrigued me, and I watched as he chatted with some of his brothers and flirted with some of the girls.

  Not that I was jealous. I’d just met him. I had no claim on him. That zip tie had been cut hours ago. It’s not like he hadn’t already devoted the whole night to me. I could let the other girls have a turn with his attention, right?

  Luke spotted me from across the room and made his way over.

  He leaned a hip on the wall and crossed his arms. “Those damn freshmen.”

  “What’d they do?”

  “Just one of them actually.” He shook his head. “He was passed out upstairs.”

  “I can guess which one.” Cocky Boy.

  Luke confirmed it. “Good pledges are so hard to find.” I’d heard that before. With all of the fraternities on campus, there was stiff competition.

  I looked up at him. The room was starting to spin again, but he wasn’t. He was stable.

  I reached up with my right hand and put it on the back of his head, rubbing his hair slightly. Yup, it was fuzzy.

  He chuckled, but he didn’t remove my hand. “What are you doing?”

  “I wanted to see if your hair felt fuzzy.”

  “And does it?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  He leaned down closer. “I didn’t hear you.”

  “Yes,” I said again. His face was so close to mine. I stared at his lips for a second. They were full and a nice pink color. I bit my own lip.

  He was saying something, but I wasn’t listening. His teeth were white and straight. I watched his lips move as he talked.